Wow, at the rate I am going I am averaging about two months between posts.
So much time has passed and no time to post, Not really, I think its more of the fact I dont live my life in front of a computer anymore, and that any time I do spend on the computer is not my own computer so I dont have the time or the artistic drive to compile my thoughts in a cohesive matter. Nonetheless, I still manage to journal and although not electronic, its in a brand new journal I received as a joke, bright red with a cartoon character that clearly states, "ITS ALL ABOUT ME..." was this a case of life imitating art or vicsa versa
Most of my family is suprised how non-internet deprived I feel. Not having a computer at all seems like it would be something I could not live without, but I find it almost a blessing in disgquise. Time is on my side again and it feels good to let old wounds heal themselves, Squibbles that I had nothing to do with I am putting to close, Things that have been troubling me seem to right themselves. I had a conversation yesterday with a cousin, Someone that is "gifted" and he confirmed all that I knew to be true. I am now at peace with the ideas that I always knew to be true. Two years of murmered words between our families about the "gift" came to a close within a hour or so of discussion.
The land of Corn, Com Theories and Ottos seems to be a hazy dream in which I often question who that person was? I have never seen a better case of the boiling frog than what I went through in the year of 2003. After running the full gammit of emotions in 2002 I somehow thought I was owed a bit of self indulgence. WOW was I wrong. I spent 2003 making all about me and I ending up starting 2004 with just that.... just me. Nobody else, My life became the inverse of itself almost overnight. Repair must come from within. Nobody else has responsiblity for my actions here. It seems popular to rewrite the events that lead to this and I how however, I am not going to bother. I cannot change what has happened, I can only pick up the pieces and learn from my mistakes.
The view from my bathroom window is timeless. A view of the mountainside, that is timeless as the rock that makes up the mountain itself. I consider its beauty as a blessing, something I dont think I would trade in for a urban setting, or that of a empty cornfield. Here I am anew, Here I do not have to make excuses for my failure, Here I am not scruntinized for having a grounded view of realism. Here, the view Welcomes me without judgement, something that is foreign to me.
Physically I feel different here, I am becoming a new person. Something the cornbelt was preventing I feel, whether it be from a matronly concern or my person demons. I have undergone my own process improvements. This process is like a new day. I feel my efforts paying off, its likely everyone else will to.
As for my Pop Psychology reference, It has nothing to which switch majors, or even the Dig at Communications as a major. I have always recognized the Business-lite path I took, that I need to defend myself, but Coms has always taken the "meat" of theory applied to useful everyday application and discarded the conjecture that was mostly ego driven. Pop Psychology is regarded something that is exactly that, For once the rocks being slung here were not directed at the lingustics, more of a recapped dialogue I once had.
