Its 4am saturday morning, and I just got watching Clerks II, I hate to say this but seldom is a sequel better than the original. Maybe a touch hollywood, but seems like Kevin Smiith has come into his own, The long winding dialogue about senseless pop culture kinda rears up and smacks you in the face.
I am using the movie as a vehicle to write this post, I dont know why right now, I am plugged into a some music, I like the idear of insomnia... there seem to be some peace in the sleeplessness that I am feeling right now.
Things are looking up. I want the people around me to be happy, not just the symbolic happy, but the sub atomic happiness that helps one fall asleep at night. insert some silly blanket analogy here. Happpiness is warm blanket in which you can wrap yourself.
wow that such horeshit. or whoore shit.
O I seem unable to stop rewarding my own bad behavior
I would like to say I am sad. but I am not, I am more waiting, waiting for the goodness to stablize. Life has been sucking big time since 2004. Some bright spots... some great emptiness. Wow I just re-read what I just posted and I think that I need to warsh my pussi.... eeek...
So I beg the question, Where did that guy go? is he still in there? or did he die quiet death of desparation... Your only good as your last act of kindness.
This is about me... .not about you. Everytime a new rock in my mental garden is overturned and I figure out something new about me and my ablities. The feedback is overwhelmeing...
TTYL sleep comes.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Here we go again.
Find a house, Rant and rave about a house, Lose a house,
Its my own damn fault. I cant even commit to a cell phone plane let alone a mortage. What a crzy weekend. From a Bad movie, (wolf creek) to wiring up a 5.1 system to my friend new big screen. To ikear, dryer installation, a trip to minooka, to a luxury overnight stay, to a keyless entry remote starter combination. Heres something that will make those ball chillin mornings better. If remmeber to turn the seats on.
WTF, I hate weak minded people. I hate copy cats. I hate people thats sole drive is to be better than me. I am nothing to be competed with, A sad loser surrounded by strong network of friends that love me, no matter how badly I screwup, putting a desk in here was the best thing I could ever done for myself here. Its a outlet again to vent into the ether of the injustice in equity that is life. the long and short of it is. FUCK YOU. get a life. Come clean about your true desires. Although what do you expect, conformity is easier than innovations.
Time to pass out... God love the non daylight savings time.
Find a house, Rant and rave about a house, Lose a house,
Its my own damn fault. I cant even commit to a cell phone plane let alone a mortage. What a crzy weekend. From a Bad movie, (wolf creek) to wiring up a 5.1 system to my friend new big screen. To ikear, dryer installation, a trip to minooka, to a luxury overnight stay, to a keyless entry remote starter combination. Heres something that will make those ball chillin mornings better. If remmeber to turn the seats on.
WTF, I hate weak minded people. I hate copy cats. I hate people thats sole drive is to be better than me. I am nothing to be competed with, A sad loser surrounded by strong network of friends that love me, no matter how badly I screwup, putting a desk in here was the best thing I could ever done for myself here. Its a outlet again to vent into the ether of the injustice in equity that is life. the long and short of it is. FUCK YOU. get a life. Come clean about your true desires. Although what do you expect, conformity is easier than innovations.
Time to pass out... God love the non daylight savings time.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
So I sit here in Madison, on the 8th floor of a hotel, watching bad MTV. I need a house. I need MTV. It reminds that ended up on the deeper end of the gene pool. I forgot what a freedom this place represents... as soon as I found the new indentity, the words started to flow again.
Where to begin? This space is about breaking cycles, and recognizing that just bitching about something isnt good enough... sure letting old people get their way is okay cuz they are going to die, but it doesnt mean that they will take you with them... you have a responsiblity to remember that you will be here long after they are gone, of course you will find them in the odd mannorism, or wierd speech pattern, but thats genes, that shared concscinecous, and thats simply the way it is.
As a Travel Guide tip, Never order a pizza, that contains honey mustard, chicken and swiss cheese... I am stupid, and twisted...
on to watching to spank o vision, then fall asleeep to QVC.
Much Love to the Quacker Factory.
Where to begin? This space is about breaking cycles, and recognizing that just bitching about something isnt good enough... sure letting old people get their way is okay cuz they are going to die, but it doesnt mean that they will take you with them... you have a responsiblity to remember that you will be here long after they are gone, of course you will find them in the odd mannorism, or wierd speech pattern, but thats genes, that shared concscinecous, and thats simply the way it is.
As a Travel Guide tip, Never order a pizza, that contains honey mustard, chicken and swiss cheese... I am stupid, and twisted...
on to watching to spank o vision, then fall asleeep to QVC.
Much Love to the Quacker Factory.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Like the new name? I do. It seem to fit better with my mental real estate. Former friends don't like this attitude. Despite all the trash talk and the nasty things that are said about me, I know this come from a place of fear, because as you round the corner to 30 your going to realize your life is EMPTY.
It has been a long established track record of mine to be the eeeevil nemesis in peoples life, Its my fault you did or dint do something because I forced your hand in life. This song and dance is tiresome. Own your actions. Because when you die, that is what they will truly judge you by.
Fuck you. Thats all about your worth. The me-so sweet and me-so innnocent trip was tired about fifteen minutes after you left it go. Meanwhile, your the biggest closet deviant that I know. News flash you fucktard.. I didnt have to say anything about you and you discredited yourself. Keep going your either end up with one italian loud mouth or the other. You managed to fuck both of them several times. and they were both stupid enough to buy you line of bullshito. I am here to let you know, that everyone knows how much of a fake, self invovled, conceited prick you are. thats right, You-so or should say me-so... The only reason you want to talk to me is because you have nobody else, Find someone else to treat with a total lack of disrespect. And just to clarify, you can date anyone you want, just be honest, and stop FUCKING PEOPLE who have Signifigant others. When you going to get it? Your going to have to move Iowa or Beruit, or Lower Butt Fuck egypt. Stories of your plague will spread, and the cool thing, I never have to breathe a word about them.
You have the odacity to call me childish, you will only stay friends with someone as long as they dont hold you responsible for you actions.
Quit spread rumors about me being gay... that so old and tired.. and look at yourself in the mirror. Oh thats right, mommie would cut you off if she knew you prefer penis to fish tacko.
It has been a long established track record of mine to be the eeeevil nemesis in peoples life, Its my fault you did or dint do something because I forced your hand in life. This song and dance is tiresome. Own your actions. Because when you die, that is what they will truly judge you by.
Fuck you. Thats all about your worth. The me-so sweet and me-so innnocent trip was tired about fifteen minutes after you left it go. Meanwhile, your the biggest closet deviant that I know. News flash you fucktard.. I didnt have to say anything about you and you discredited yourself. Keep going your either end up with one italian loud mouth or the other. You managed to fuck both of them several times. and they were both stupid enough to buy you line of bullshito. I am here to let you know, that everyone knows how much of a fake, self invovled, conceited prick you are. thats right, You-so or should say me-so... The only reason you want to talk to me is because you have nobody else, Find someone else to treat with a total lack of disrespect. And just to clarify, you can date anyone you want, just be honest, and stop FUCKING PEOPLE who have Signifigant others. When you going to get it? Your going to have to move Iowa or Beruit, or Lower Butt Fuck egypt. Stories of your plague will spread, and the cool thing, I never have to breathe a word about them.
You have the odacity to call me childish, you will only stay friends with someone as long as they dont hold you responsible for you actions.
Quit spread rumors about me being gay... that so old and tired.. and look at yourself in the mirror. Oh thats right, mommie would cut you off if she knew you prefer penis to fish tacko.
Its 11a on Saturday Morning, and I actually have a spot to blog freely without someone reading over my shoulder.
Where to begin?
Too much to discuss at once so I will just have to rely on stream of conscientiousness.
The depression is a constant battle, but I am managing to keep my focus. I am surprised to find out how many people still read this blog, and how many people I dont talk to anymore.
What I am trying to figure out is, I am really such a horrible person, why do you keep checking this blog? I mean really. Get a fucking life.
I re-read these posts, and I am desparately trying to figure out what the indentity for this place should be. Unlike the cowardice of others that discontinue their blogs because the dont want others to know what a hypocratic life that have become.
Tell me, you still chasing success like golden fleece at the end of the world?
Your not worth writing about anymore. I am sure our paths will cross.. Sooner than later. Its only a matter of time.
Where to begin?
Too much to discuss at once so I will just have to rely on stream of conscientiousness.
The depression is a constant battle, but I am managing to keep my focus. I am surprised to find out how many people still read this blog, and how many people I dont talk to anymore.
What I am trying to figure out is, I am really such a horrible person, why do you keep checking this blog? I mean really. Get a fucking life.
I re-read these posts, and I am desparately trying to figure out what the indentity for this place should be. Unlike the cowardice of others that discontinue their blogs because the dont want others to know what a hypocratic life that have become.
Tell me, you still chasing success like golden fleece at the end of the world?
Your not worth writing about anymore. I am sure our paths will cross.. Sooner than later. Its only a matter of time.
Monday, May 22, 2006
I post again with a renewed sense of purpose. The writer's muse has struck my fancy again. If you go back and read this dialogue from the begining youw will find an ill tempered boy that makes no claims against his dellusion. In spite of my dellusional behavior I still figured out the difference btwneen wrong and right. Such a lofty goal and purpose this is not, more as an online journey to whatever the happiness is for the moment.
Decisions abound. My Past, present and future are about to collide...
I am comfortable with this catalysm, only because... only then, could my troubles really begin, Living without making fear the North Star of the Compass.
Fear will never rule the day.
Decisions abound. My Past, present and future are about to collide...
I am comfortable with this catalysm, only because... only then, could my troubles really begin, Living without making fear the North Star of the Compass.
Fear will never rule the day.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I wasnt even going to read this, but I thought what the hell, Apparently a bad friend a I be. It never ceases to amaze me how when people dont get what they want the extent they will goto:
Apparently I am the problem, which I knew... its nice to know that is just been confirmed by one of the most honest, loyal and caring friends I know.
Heres to you,
I knew this musta have been tough to write, Breaking the "I am the nice guy persona" to tell enumerate the reasons why its my fault I got tired of your lies.
The following was sent to several of my email addresses. I choose not to respond.. but i will post it here for the world to decide how big of an ahole I am.
Subject:Final Closure-If you delete then a coward and can not face the truth!
Dude,
Well I heard from the Grapevine that the Friendship is over with! That was your choice and not mine.. I was willing to work on it, but you did not act adult like to talk about it except for reamining me a new a--hole and talk about my past. I understand that I lied to you about things in the past and recently with things about your cousin. After that I learned my lesson and stopped. I even told you that I would. But your big f---ing hang up is you always judge people by what they did and never ever give them the chance to change. Heck I could have changed and you would never even know it..... You are always so quick to judge people right off the bat... I hate to tell you something but you do not have the right to do that. And you always wanted to know what something's that bugged me about you. Fine I will let you know them now. One, you are not always right about everything, and you sure in the hell don't have the right to think you know everything. The main one is you are so quick to give advise but you will never take it.... You need to sit the f--k down and look in the mirror and figure out your own life before you can help people decide what to do with theirs. You are using life as a cop-out and blaming everyone else for your problems. For example the work thing, I hate to tell you but you left so you have no right bitching and moaning about vacation time and saying the need to give you all your benefits back. Sorry the world does not revolve around SCOT, they do not need to give you what you want. You left and came back, so face it you where a new employee. So sit down and figure out your life and not live your life through everyone else... You are so afraid of things that you always say I am going to run to PA, well that is your choice and I hate to say it but I think you are scared to do it. And when you did call yourself a friend, friends trusted each other with things and only said them to each other and promised not to let those things out. Hell then I take it you have not been a friend for a long time. You have no right speaking for me about me! I am trying to forget about my past and move on.. But lord know's that Scot only dowels on the past and never leaves it alone. S--t and I love how you talk bad about someone and then become their bestest friend. You are a two timing bastard! All you like to do is cause conflict in people lives and sorrow! I also know that you like to have people on the inside to keep and eye on your enemies. Which I hate to say is so damn "Childish" GROW UP!
I am saying this cause even though you say the friendship is done, I will always be here if you need me or if something goes wrong. I never kick my friends to the curb. I still care for you as a very good friend but you need to figure things out on your own. And maybe this is a window opening showing you, that maybe it is you and that is why friendships go bad.
I wrote this not to make you mad but to open your eyes to reason! But I know you don't listen to reason, unless it is scot's reason.
Have a good life and if you never talk to me again, well that is your choice not mine.
Apparently I am the problem, which I knew... its nice to know that is just been confirmed by one of the most honest, loyal and caring friends I know.
Heres to you,
I knew this musta have been tough to write, Breaking the "I am the nice guy persona" to tell enumerate the reasons why its my fault I got tired of your lies.
The following was sent to several of my email addresses. I choose not to respond.. but i will post it here for the world to decide how big of an ahole I am.
Subject:Final Closure-If you delete then a coward and can not face the truth!
Dude,
Well I heard from the Grapevine that the Friendship is over with! That was your choice and not mine.. I was willing to work on it, but you did not act adult like to talk about it except for reamining me a new a--hole and talk about my past. I understand that I lied to you about things in the past and recently with things about your cousin. After that I learned my lesson and stopped. I even told you that I would. But your big f---ing hang up is you always judge people by what they did and never ever give them the chance to change. Heck I could have changed and you would never even know it..... You are always so quick to judge people right off the bat... I hate to tell you something but you do not have the right to do that. And you always wanted to know what something's that bugged me about you. Fine I will let you know them now. One, you are not always right about everything, and you sure in the hell don't have the right to think you know everything. The main one is you are so quick to give advise but you will never take it.... You need to sit the f--k down and look in the mirror and figure out your own life before you can help people decide what to do with theirs. You are using life as a cop-out and blaming everyone else for your problems. For example the work thing, I hate to tell you but you left so you have no right bitching and moaning about vacation time and saying the need to give you all your benefits back. Sorry the world does not revolve around SCOT, they do not need to give you what you want. You left and came back, so face it you where a new employee. So sit down and figure out your life and not live your life through everyone else... You are so afraid of things that you always say I am going to run to PA, well that is your choice and I hate to say it but I think you are scared to do it. And when you did call yourself a friend, friends trusted each other with things and only said them to each other and promised not to let those things out. Hell then I take it you have not been a friend for a long time. You have no right speaking for me about me! I am trying to forget about my past and move on.. But lord know's that Scot only dowels on the past and never leaves it alone. S--t and I love how you talk bad about someone and then become their bestest friend. You are a two timing bastard! All you like to do is cause conflict in people lives and sorrow! I also know that you like to have people on the inside to keep and eye on your enemies. Which I hate to say is so damn "Childish" GROW UP!
I am saying this cause even though you say the friendship is done, I will always be here if you need me or if something goes wrong. I never kick my friends to the curb. I still care for you as a very good friend but you need to figure things out on your own. And maybe this is a window opening showing you, that maybe it is you and that is why friendships go bad.
I wrote this not to make you mad but to open your eyes to reason! But I know you don't listen to reason, unless it is scot's reason.
Have a good life and if you never talk to me again, well that is your choice not mine.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Wow long time no post. It happens I guess. I sound like a really vendictive person. I know I do, but If you met the people that I grew up with you would understand. Its really scary when you wake up one day and realize that you were such a fool to trust. I have no friends... 4 years and no evolution. Hahaha... actually I have no friends out of choice not because of some pyschosis.
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