WOOOOOOO WHO..... Well coming off that last post I got a death threat today. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy that someone wants me dead as I want to be dead... what a wonderful proposition. The amazing thing about this is... I am the sane one.... can I get a YIKES... Spiderman has just come out. He must be using his spidy senses... YUK

Well those of you that have been following this blog has traveled with me for quite a rollercoaster like journey. Some sad, some glad mostly angery, Most wondering why the shit is still running down hill, Something I grasp to get ahold of. I just dont wonder why. I made the conscience effort to let go of everything, and today the one thing I was unable to let go of slapped me in the face. Those of you who know me for longer than a couple of years know that t I lost my father eight years ago to a failed lung transplant. Eight years ago exactly June 30, 1996... or so it has been called 1996 the year of death. I went to the bar tonight with over 90% of my friends and I had a horrible time. I could not shake the idea that my life was worthless and I was an even bigger asshole for not remembering the memory of my father. It could have been something bigger. It be now that I am whole again that I no longer desire to have this existence anymore. I choose not to participate in Life. If I dropped off the face of the planet today... I would be barely missed. I missed my mark. This is NOT a plea for help, more over simply stating fact. Its not that I am not loved, I am loved, and I do have great friends. Its not that my pain, hurt or suffering is any greater than anyone elses'. I dont need the george Bailey effect here neither. I am tired of my life being in a holdng pattern. I feel have sucked enough frustration out of the atomposhere and it needs to be released. No amount of counseling no amount of hand holding will help this go away. I once told a friend of mine that they would never improve their situation until they broke out of the mold that they were set in removed the limitation that the people around them have put into them.
I need to heed my own advice. The limitations of this life must be lifted. I must do something will not continue for me to remain empty inside. Maybe I am not as strong as I appear to be. Maybe its time to realize that all the trash that is talked bout me is more like harsh fact. I have no rage left in me. I am broken, without purpose and the only sounds left is the sound of my heart beating against the rhythm of the world. I have to hand you to Kelly, you and Bob were absoulutly correct, and it only took 2 years to come to pass, My hats off to you. Revel in my failure, I know I have. After I am gone I hope you realize every discpicable quality you could not stand about me is what you saw in yourselves and could not handle. I love you both. Thanks for making me a stronger person. I wish you all the happiness that you can muster in this world, I wish you could have been honest and truthful instead of lying to makeyourselves feel better. To former agressors, you know you both are. May your life together become everything that you feared it would. Say what you must to make yourselves feel better, and remember what you put out you get in return 10 fold. and yes Mongoloid boy, that applies even to you. I am sorry to leave you down my new friend perhaps I stopped the natural order of things for you prematurely. And to my friend, the Oracle. Thanks for your equalizer, thanks for confirming that I wasnt just hearing things and thank you for being you. I meant what I said when I say I worry about you. Nobody holds the net when you fall, and yes you do fall. Perhaps the conversation may have not meant much to you, but I thank you for treating me like a friend instead of an annoyance. I know our pathes will cross again. I know that the path I have chosen is NOT an easy one and I know that fear is Not an option. I am being so much more melodramatic that I need to be, but people have grown used to it. Its funny the vet your the greatest and I still learn much from you.I could have not made it this far without you. I am sorry. May your sunsets always be beautiful, Your waters always be clear, and the sand always pure between your toes. Good night.

Heres a nifty thought. I think you should pull your lower over your head and swallow.

I pose a really interesting question? I really cant take all the credit for this notion, but I know I can at least write about it? What the fuck is happening in society today? I think Tee-Ball should be banned. I remember as a kid when you actually learned about competition and sportsmanlike conduct... But now, Tee-Ball nobody wins or loses, you get praised for attempted to hit the ball, and I pose the Question What kind of life are we preparing the youth of tomarrow for? These kids are not going to have the coping skills to deal with every day happenstance... Its okay little Raoul.... you thought about runnning to second but because your so helplesslessly out of shape you couldnt... I understand.. you get a gold star for tying your shoe.... I mean really my friend refuses to enroll her children in these programs... because she believes its the undoing of society. I think we need to get away from this idea of Spare the rod and spoil child and go back to a good old fashion Assswhoooping.... I got spanked and I turned out just fine.... I wanna flash forward in time and see how much coporate american will be decimated by a "TIME OUT" Yikes... All this touchy feely horsehit makes me wanna puke in my soup.... I say the beatings should continue until the morale improves...

I just re-read my last post. Super-Vet wasnt the one who pushed the buttons My sibling did. Someone is pleased as punch that he gets to be in Tremont and I dont. I wanna take the blog in other directions, mainly about my quest for truth, honest justice and integrity. I hope that my enlightened path will remain that way. For its team to make the City light up again, and drive the darkness away.

~~~Transporting.....

Is it a smile you wanted?
A laugh, a giggle? a YIPE?!

and All you got was sadness.

I goto sleep every morning with the sun, and I wake every evening with the dusky redness of the summer sky.

A whiff of the breeze reminds me how much I miss the stories you tell, and The yarns you spin.

A bottle of Acme Orange Soda, or Black Cherry in a frosty bottle coupled with the Cow Salt and Pepper shakers...

Lets not forget the STEWED hamburgers, Cabbage Rolls and the Funnel Cakes.

A whiff of the breeze reminds me how much the newness of each pinic ended with a slide waterslide, and skinning my knee made summer, summer.

Lets not forget the Phoniex, Bumper Boats and the Cable car ride.

A whiff of the breeze reminds me how much the cool mountain chilled us and made us go "down through the park" to get something else to eat, Hard Ice Cream... cuz soft would never do.

Lets not forget the Haunted House, and me grasping on to my Aunts with a grip the would kill the average person.

As I got older the landscape changed... the flood levels rose and the pinics got smaller. The faces all weathered some, are no longer with us. The babies became adults and the adults had babies... Much like time, it is universal to all of us........

A whiff of the air reminds me of a time, where the stories were made, the memories remembered and the future was an afterthought.......

Lets not forget We are nothing more than the stories we create, immortalized, embelleshed and made into legend.

A whiff of the air and I am transported back there, My senses awaken as if I were waking from a ten year old coma.. anxious to remeber the past and look to the future.

It amazes me how much people in life like to push buttons. I have I fell pray to that tonight. Its sad. I got a really funny drunken message from my favorite vet in Training... and her friend. You guy need to call me again... and splain yourselves better. This weekend was a waste, I am going to interview tomarrow for the job I am going to get. I cant believe July is almost here. YIKES!

Hmmmm... it was like old home week tonight. Russels' Ribs, Jamba Juice, Game works and Dave and Busters. Two phoners from great women of my past. It was cool to hear... and the best part of night like this is having breakfast at IHOP.. I guess you can take the boy out of Glendale Heights but not the Glendale Heights out of the boy.... I miss the truck stop... damnit.... Someone told me I was dark. Someone called me and said that someone else needs to to talk to me. The need to help me straighten out the poop... Poop is a reoccuring theme on this blog, and actually before you get any ideas its not a homeaage... to anything... yawn time to goto bed.