Pardon the last post... a little bit a family feuding to take care of.

I always said I would never quote some cheesy lyric but here goes:
(and I should mention for the record that I really did like this song, I just had a hard time admitting it....)

I hear these two verses, and I choke up...


It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories
........

And I, I
Don't want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don't want to let this go
I, I
Don't....

like I said in my last post, you can never go home, thats not the point here, and theres probably not I time that this song to come on the radio that I dont think of a much simplier time, before manager to self distruct the best thing that ever happened to me. This isnt a attempt to anything other than to muse about the past. I sorry to see the poopfish get flushed. I am not trying to reinsert myself into a life in which I no longer belong, I just need to put information out like this. even if its ignored, read, flamed, etc... Its there, and like I said in more than one post this is an excerise for myself... a way to assemble the jigsaw puzzle of my mind. I find myself trying to set "right" all the wrongs of the past two years. Some I realize can never be fixed. Much like someone very close to me that is quite ill, I am cleaning house preparing for the big move.. (spiritually, ethirically, emotionally.
I have a lot of time to think about me. Something hasnt happened in a long time and it feels really good. I am having an emotional yard sale so I can get rid of the ugly orange shag carpeting emotions and Move in some nice hardwood floors. I am getting rid of my baggage for nobody but my self. Maybe with some renovation one day I can share my house with someone special.

I think the best part of all this is that my computer use is at a very minmun. My computer is in pieces and no longer boots all of my music etc, gone... for good so its back to the drawing board for that. I havent spoken on IM in a very long time, except when my mom logs onto her computer and my SN pops up. When I do logon, I never see any names I recognize. I assume for the protection of all involved names were changed to protect the innocencent. I would like to make it clear, I am not interested in hunt anyone down via IM, I want my life to have much more meaning than that. I know I was wrong and because of that I will not pester.

Today was very sad for another very close friend of mine. My favorite Rot was put to sleep tonight. She fought a good fight, but that wasnt enough. for those of you who knew Tazzy knew a finicky gasoeous Rott that stolen every boys' heart, I have to laugh in retrospective, Tazzy didnt like female competition, and were reminded of this every time I came for a visit.

I hope another cliche rings true in the wee hours of this moring.....


........ ALL Dogs goto HEAVEN.....

****This is not a effort to return..... I need to put this out for myself to read...... I am sorry

Wooo Who......

It less than two months since I made my last post.

Well here it goes.

Where to begin.. Well lets start with some typical cliches... You can NEVER go home. Its even harder when you get there and realize in less than heart beat why you left. I found myself back in Chicago to clear up a bit of business so I left my mountain home to come visit the corn belt. Lies of the past have uncovered themselves in such a way that the mere thought of them is more like a strong expresso at 3am the jagged little pill know as vicadin.

It took just a little less than two years for my family to spin off into non-existence. It just under five months I have been several topics of conversation, in how much I need to stay out of town. A very violent and libelous buddy profile was made available to me this evening and it completely changed the direction of this post. I want to mention to the White trash emulator (How many couches on yer frunt porch does it take to be considered a red neck?)in question that while I am making a conscience decision to live in Tremont, I could live anywhere in the World, I don't think he could say the same. He will be forever stuck in Tremont to carry on the family tradition of medicorcity. Can we say imbalance? Your absoultly correct in everything you said little boy. EVERYTHING is correct. I wish could be as smart as you. I hate to burst your bubble but the all the buttons you've attempted to push dont work anymore. I am much better person, and as you so Astute in pointing out my stature, Because thats nothing that I havent before. Weight can be lost, Attitudes can be modified, sucess can be achieved, when its done from within, the last year has taught me that. I wouldnt expect you to understand that, you too busy trying project the All the guilt you feel on the people that were there for you when the needed them... because whether your house rises or falls it doesnt affect my life in ONE bit.... Just consider this, the next time you want to pick on someone that is dying.... remember these days because when your on your death bed kharma willl revist you ten fold.