Sunday, April 03, 2005
A late night check-in here. It has been a truly bizarre week. I lost a promotion I didnt really want, and I have officially sank into a depression. I think we I sleep 14.5 hours in a day that constitutes a deep depression. I have decided though, I do not think I am going to talk about this, this time with anyone. Nobody wants to hear it, most of all myself.
The phone just rang its awesome how prejudiced Patsy is about my life, If she knew that the person on the other calling was her favorite grand niece things would be well, she came trapsing out of her bedroom to let me know she was displeased... and I am supposed to feel something other than contempt for her.
I have yet again left someone else in my life overide the direction that I need to be in. I am amazed at how spineless I have become. As the crow flys I find it interesting that My boss would goto any extent to sabotage a entire business channel at my company, I get the feeling that she knows she has done wrong and is waiting for my retrobution. Something that will never come, thats awfully petty. I love when someone wrongs you and they act differently because there is an assumption made that you will seek revenge. That again is very overated. Effects of decisions like this are felt for years to come. I received the message, Loud and Clear. Ty raid over. In a recent conversation with DVM we talked about her feelings on Garden State. I found it interesting she assigned such little value to the message it protrayed because it was too much like the people she knew. I can respect that, and It could just be that I am a drama addict, I dunno.
I drove around tonight after my 14.5 hours of sleep. I was awake for about 10 minutes because I did talk to my new insurance sales person friend about ducks, and other such oddities.
In the hallways of my mind there blows a draft, Cold and stinging, The more I turn up the Theromstat the harder the wind seems to drift across the floor. Its almost as if the cold air is nothing more than the negative thoughts that are slowly becoming who I am, I wonder how long it will take for me to completely dissappear into the inky blackness of a cool spring night. On the surface I would miss it, and maybe even be missed.
Who knows... Only the truly tortured souls get recognition when they pass. PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME. I am not planning on doing anything
"stupid" Its merely an observation. I know the rules now, and I need to play by them. What the hell that means for sure I dont know.
I almost made a really big mistake and got this promotion something that would have driven me farther away from where I need to be. "Stop taking the path of least resistance" DVM is good for the shockabooku..(spritual kick to head) but heres another barn burner for ya: We are our own reality. what we says goes. apart for societial rules, We define who the gets center stage... our scared 6 year old versions of ourselves. or the grownup that is dead and numb from barriers that are a result of burying every dream and aspiration in the backyard we all the former pet goldfish.
In retrospect, I wasnt that bad. I set the whole thing up You know what I mean. Stories are created. I needed to know what your truth was, and I did. I wanted to flush you out. Give your persmission to allow success to be your ruse. I know you still read this. You check it weekly. Its like a drug to you... you did with the X FLIP and you will do it with me. Suprising is not something your capapable of. You have no idea of what class is? When you figure out trading up for the next model is kinda sad because your going to be 48 on a baby farm and divorced because your spouse knows your nuts.
To my faithful readers, I am sorry for those who come here and read my words and have to thinkI am bitter, Its not really me, but the little things that are sent to me on behalve of a Former interest, We broke up because of her Cheating, Lying, and otherwise Whoring aroud... her idea of success was opening her legs for any guy that would promise a rich lifestyle.
Why do I revist this? because much like Blah Blah, I think that The universe will unfold as it needs and you will be barren, Alone, and wondering why you can find truth, because after 23 years of deception your the only one that was truly decieved.
The phone just rang its awesome how prejudiced Patsy is about my life, If she knew that the person on the other calling was her favorite grand niece things would be well, she came trapsing out of her bedroom to let me know she was displeased... and I am supposed to feel something other than contempt for her.
I have yet again left someone else in my life overide the direction that I need to be in. I am amazed at how spineless I have become. As the crow flys I find it interesting that My boss would goto any extent to sabotage a entire business channel at my company, I get the feeling that she knows she has done wrong and is waiting for my retrobution. Something that will never come, thats awfully petty. I love when someone wrongs you and they act differently because there is an assumption made that you will seek revenge. That again is very overated. Effects of decisions like this are felt for years to come. I received the message, Loud and Clear. Ty raid over. In a recent conversation with DVM we talked about her feelings on Garden State. I found it interesting she assigned such little value to the message it protrayed because it was too much like the people she knew. I can respect that, and It could just be that I am a drama addict, I dunno.
I drove around tonight after my 14.5 hours of sleep. I was awake for about 10 minutes because I did talk to my new insurance sales person friend about ducks, and other such oddities.
In the hallways of my mind there blows a draft, Cold and stinging, The more I turn up the Theromstat the harder the wind seems to drift across the floor. Its almost as if the cold air is nothing more than the negative thoughts that are slowly becoming who I am, I wonder how long it will take for me to completely dissappear into the inky blackness of a cool spring night. On the surface I would miss it, and maybe even be missed.
Who knows... Only the truly tortured souls get recognition when they pass. PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME. I am not planning on doing anything
"stupid" Its merely an observation. I know the rules now, and I need to play by them. What the hell that means for sure I dont know.
I almost made a really big mistake and got this promotion something that would have driven me farther away from where I need to be. "Stop taking the path of least resistance" DVM is good for the shockabooku..(spritual kick to head) but heres another barn burner for ya: We are our own reality. what we says goes. apart for societial rules, We define who the gets center stage... our scared 6 year old versions of ourselves. or the grownup that is dead and numb from barriers that are a result of burying every dream and aspiration in the backyard we all the former pet goldfish.
In retrospect, I wasnt that bad. I set the whole thing up You know what I mean. Stories are created. I needed to know what your truth was, and I did. I wanted to flush you out. Give your persmission to allow success to be your ruse. I know you still read this. You check it weekly. Its like a drug to you... you did with the X FLIP and you will do it with me. Suprising is not something your capapable of. You have no idea of what class is? When you figure out trading up for the next model is kinda sad because your going to be 48 on a baby farm and divorced because your spouse knows your nuts.
To my faithful readers, I am sorry for those who come here and read my words and have to thinkI am bitter, Its not really me, but the little things that are sent to me on behalve of a Former interest, We broke up because of her Cheating, Lying, and otherwise Whoring aroud... her idea of success was opening her legs for any guy that would promise a rich lifestyle.
Why do I revist this? because much like Blah Blah, I think that The universe will unfold as it needs and you will be barren, Alone, and wondering why you can find truth, because after 23 years of deception your the only one that was truly decieved.
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