Saturday, June 19, 2004

So I am going to blantantly steal this from a much wiser person than I. Here goes:


Revelation of the day
. . .pondered while I was in the pond. . .

A revision of an old proverb:

- Boring people talk about themselves.

- Insecure people talk about others.

- Conspicuous consumers talk about things.

- Educated people talk about books.

- Intelligent people talk about ideas.

- Enlightened people don't talk much. They listen.




We're all at least a little of each.


Goo Kimmmmmeeee Go...... Kimmeeee
If you have come back to town to take stock of your life, I say leave your livestock alone, Its past. Look toward the future. This coming from a man now dressed in a TOOGA.... TOGA TOGA TOGA!!! yesh I am headed to a toga party. Hopefully, I wont get blasted too hard and end up flashing the boys to everyone like when I dressed as Brittany Spears.... memories right kids thats always something we all wanna remember? Anyway... gotta give credit to Minnie Driver again... Wow, isnt my life pathetic. At least I dont wish I drowned on the titanic, because of daft bitch hogging a big ole victorian door. According to my friends I am broken and I can not not provide sympathy sufficiently... wooosh... off to the party... I only wait for Dingy and the Limbo.... or Horny Goatee Weed.
As I was pushed through a plate glass window this morning at three am. Or at least thats what it felt like when I heard my cell phone ring in my dream and all the quiet was broken, My thoughts were no longer my own, I felt the cold harsh reality of night touch my expose foot from under my covers and I realized that my phone had rung, Panicked, no knowing which bed I awoke from, I jump out of bed and flew across the room and realized that I was stuck in Glendale Heights, somehow miraclously I would have thought that Tremont or even DeKalb would have been. I think that symbolically DeKalb represents the past, and Tremont represents the future. Glendale Heights maybe limbo, maybe something else, I am not really sure, I did know however I didnt want to be woken up to be informed that McDonalds didnt not serve a full menu at 3am. I guess that gets filed in the useless fact section of my brain. Whaddaya thunk? I also finally was able to purchase one of my favorite movies, Grosse Pointe Blank. and To quote the great Minnie Driver, Where are all the good men dead...in the Heart or in the Head?.....
I sit here watching bad PBS, and pondering this question further: Will I ever reach enough escape velocity from here to get away from all of this? I like the analogy of the plate glass window. I was informed this week that I was on trial with God for my indisgessions, to this I say, "SMITE me almighty SMITER!" who cares if its spelled right or not?
Its been such a long time that someone has wanted to fix me. Fix me for all the wrong reasons: THIS JUST IN:::::: psycho beach party has started.... and me without my sunscreen.... more on that later.
I was cubed tonight. That was pretty scary. For those of you have never been cubed I found it highly worthwhile. I shared some of my writing, I was told I had a touch of Hemmingway. I was flattered.... I dont think Hemmingway and I should be compared, I just write things I think about everyday. A field of black orchids. A stable of nightmares. Dreams of undying pain and sadness. Will you make it stop? If you know how call here. I think you know the number if not, then call information the number is in the book under: Forget about it. thats right forget about it.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Funny as it may seem, The primary audience for this blog is myself. Those few people that actually have this link, may think that its all about them, and it really isnt. Its about me. Its about how I move through this world and the damage I choose to inflict on the planet. I can honestly say that I hope all of you enjoy this prose, it makes me feel more centered, its like a true friend, unconditionally I can write whatever I want and it is okay, no judgements, no scars, No lies. Its all me. So get over yourself, its not always all about you, Its just simply why things are this way. Comment if you dare, I really dont think your able, because if you did you would have to deal with the lies and deceit that you have created.
Why do I even bother?

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Time to take responsiblity for my actions. It is my fault I am alone. It is my fault I am jobless. It is my fault that I have No Friends, It is my fault that I am alone, It is my fault that I am unemployable, It is my fault that my "friends" laugh about me behind my back, It is my fault that I am on trial with Jesus, It is my fault that I have no focus in my life. It my fault that my life has no direction and that I am living other peoples lives. It is my fault that I am alone. It is my fault that my family is broken apart, It is my fault that I am alone, broke and penniless, It is my fault that the only happiness I have ever had I left slip through my hands thrice. Kim is all my fault, Krista, Amy, Amy, Becky,Marci, Charlotte,Mary are all My fault. Its my fault that my back is in pain, Its my fault that Linda lost the list for the materials, Its my fault my grandmother didnt live, Its my fault that my mother is sick, its my fault that I have no relationship with my brother, its my fault I am alone, Its my fault that I drove everyone close to me away to protect myself, Its my fault that your not happy, its my fault that you were played, Its my fault I was played, Its my fault that the computer didnt work, Its my fault it rained, its my fault the clutch went, its my fault that Dennis went insane its my fault that Brenda and Patsy are not talking, Its my fault. This road I have put myself on is my own doing. I can not blame anyone but the man in the mirror.
Having said this Its time to say goodnight.
I wanna take the time to pay homage to some really great Blasting I found:

You'll breathe as free as you want, and keep on declaring, because you're speaking blindly to an open crowd that couldn't possibly care if I live or don't already.
~~~ Is this a cry for help or an advertisment for Teen Suicide Hotline... you tell me?.. How does one speak blindly? Wouldnt not be Speaking to a deaf crowd?

You're just too obsessed with losing and being the inferior one that your ego has burst.
~~~ Its not that my ego burst, Your just pissed because the half-assed voodoo that you work on all those poor shlups in Schuykill County doesnt work on me or my friends. I didnt jump like the mindless rabble that have following you. Please if anyone else has to live through one of your empty and hollow proclamations, empty threats to eldery women on their death beds. Wow your so intellengent, I wish I could live in Mediocrity like you? Tell me does Tiff, err wait, unhun Megan know about your dirty little cheating secret? Hmmmm... I bet she'd like to know that....
It's ok to cry, we all know you didn't love your dad, and we all saw through your plasticity (as you coined it so wondefully) at the services and the repetitive moronathon that was your fake sadness
~~ The great thing about my dad is that he knew I loved him. As for speaking to my plasticity, How about you Mr. They wont let me read what I want at the funeral so I will pout. Your one pathetic repressed Mother Fucker. Its sad. Fake sadness: I think the best example of this is that I saw our grandparents more than you and I lived 800 miles away. ..."The only people that mattered our now buried in the side of the hill" Revisionist history, you could be bother with them when they were alive so now you will mourn them? Your pathetic, the cool thing is you will carry that pain around for the rest of your life, Daddy see daddy do. Keep vigil at the grave when you could have celebrated their lives you prefer to celebrate their death... Yes you are right there was only 1 brazzo. and No clones. I am myself. Does the fac so tough you would face me.... instead you prefer to snipe. Grow up you little bitch, Fucking tree hugger wanna be.... t that I live in Tremont by choice piss you off? or the fact that I can move about the country aggrevate you? If you were

(Don't forget to give that dog you call an eight year college degree in "communications" a cookie!! Here boy! Here! Wait...which is the dog really?

~~ Your not done yet talk to me when you have a BA/BS.. Those people who live in glass houses just shouldnt. Obviously you havent realized that Patsy is better at slinging mud that Anyone one in your family. Yes I am a dog. you caught me.

Can you imagine driving someone to create such of hatred. Wow. I would love to Mystery Science Theater this post, but its shear artistry is worth commenting alone
very large headed hairy mongloid children with a twist of asian influnence. Thats what I see in the future. Some people think lifes' a bitch I think in this case genetics are.
Hey the posts have slowed down but I havent. A suspicous virus after the last string of posts. Is dishonesty a virus that infects us all? I wonder sometimes, I think it takes more energy to lie than it does to just simply tell the truth. I have a message for those who seek the truth. It was truly a sad day when I realized that you were ugly on the inside. No matter how much you try to fill the hole that lies in your soul you will never, because that hole is there to remind you that you are a sum of your experiences. Its much better than Kharma you see, Kharma is kind, that type of stain, or whole will never be filled no matter how much mea culpa is offered.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

One of my very close friends informed me of something really really really really really funny. Not only do they know bannana hands they were his "special guest" the last time he was in town. After a long ardious conversation about Mr. Hands I came to yet another conclusion. Those who can, Do, Those who cant goto Bananna Hands seminars.
Hmmm... I am very suspect of getting a virus after my last series of posts. Yet another close friend caught their signifigant other lying and Cheating. I would know NOTHING about that......