Ditto on the last post. Ironically I have a tendency to forget about this blog. But after I post it seems to be the most saturates write here. 2003 much like 2002 was very trying in many ways. If I were to look back then and know what I know now there is several things I would have changed about it. But that's the good thing about the past, you cant change it, you just LEARN from it, and learn I have.

I would have thought that living through as much tragedy as I have had in my life, I would have been immune to its effects. Apparently that is incorrect. Every time its different. The circumstance in which you look each experience leads you to the next in which you tested in a different way. I guess the one blessing/curse I have in this is that I have the time to prepare, because when the time has come to for me to deal with this tragedy I will know that I have done all that I can to make the best of what time I have, versus, lamenting the time I don't.

The turn on events that have occurred in December allow me to have a moment of pause. Living out of Illinois made me realize some really important things. Things that your not presented with until they are gone. When it comes to taking your last breathe, and you revisit the events of your life, the race is with oneself.

I don't know how often even read this pharse of a journal or even if this for my own demons. I guess it really doesn't matter, I know this exists and that is all that matters.


I think its all a matter of prospective, and when the view is skewed, what once was great is now sinister, and what once was sinister is now great, Positive energy aside, Realism will win out, Pop psychology, empty rhetoric, and false icons are mere crutches to cloak ones' inadequate limited prospective on creation.

Emerson put it a bit more poetically when he said:

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.