Wow that last post isnt finished.... when will Kelly learn... apparently never. I am glad to learn that all friendships dont have to be disfunctional like our was. I got a swift kick in the head just today, in a really inadvertant way....

In trying to define the terms of this new friendship I am at a loss.. I am almost too scared to put words on this because it initself is undefinable. an unspoken bond that transcends and terestrail exlpaination. To the casual observer it may seem as if its a childish crush.. And that comment gave me a moment of pause. Is that how it was being perceived? That caused a bit of an internal fuckup. Its wierd. refer to the post that I want to carved on my stone. That is how I choose to live the rest of my life. A conversation about self loathing today smacked of such reality i found myself welling up inside with pain shared of this consciencous that we have seemed to tap. A beautifully bittersweet penning of the feelings that I feel everytime I stare into mirror in candle light. She has a tendancy to knock the wind right out of me.

I hope in the end this is more of a permanent arrangment.... If not I will enjoy the time I get to share with this truly special person. I personally feel as if the level of pararellism between us lends to only natural comradory... Its wierd though,

I watched the promise of the future glint in the candlelight as it
ran down wrist and pool up at the base of my feet.

I knelt down and drew my finger tips through the memories of what could have been and felt the inky blackness of what was fill my eyes and my heart all at once...

A blast of cold air and I was alone. watching the world as they moved on, without me... barely even recognizing I was there, except for maybe the teardrop stain of promises broken on the floor