It hit my mind like a loud thunderclap. Maybe it was the events of the evening that brought me to this stark realization. No matter how much I try to stave off change.. It happens. A really smart person once told me that I had only two choices, Live or die you cant avoid either. I guess you can avoid living if you really choose to separate yourself out of the main stream of consciousness I know I have written about change before but maybe this because that’s been the only constant in my life.

Tonight I shared some hand cut mozzella sticks with a good friend and we discussed The events that are about ready to unfold before us. How much 2004 maybe 1996. or even 1995. I was asked if I was up to the challenge. I think I say, bring it…. That’s what I do best.

Thank God for Carol Mills, for without her I would have never had the pleasure of reading Irvin Goffman presentation of self in every day life…. Or to a lesser extent Berger and Luckmans Social construction of reality. Such silly basic concept these present to oneself. Its as if these authors figured out a way to tap into everyone’s mind eye to WAIT…. What I am saying… what a total line of bullshit. I cant be possibly writing this…. Godamnit… this post is almost as derailed the Funerals post. Time has been my enemy and my friend lately. I can believe this bullshit that I am writing….

What I really want to talk about is REVISIONIST History.

It amazes me how much people like to rewrite the events of the past so they can make themselves feel better. To me it seems like if we can live in our own little self-created universe that if we prevent the intersection ours with reality life can be blissfully ignorant of the pain of time.

My uncle and aunt and mistake of a son, have proven their perfection of this. I have never seen such a projection of guilt than what is going on there. I did learn something valuable from them all. Truth is what we believe it is. I cannot believe the level of jealous my cousin has stooped to because he thinks that I am “sponging” off his god parents, also my aunt and uncle like he did for the first 19 years of his life. Maybe if he learned that you get back 100 times what you give he would not be such a sad little boy. Sounds like jealousy to me. In fact could it be that his 12.00 an hour job is enough to support his spending habits and Keep his live-in girlfriend happy? I would think not, I mean after all you need to spend at least 30 dollars a week on lotto tickets. I know it would wreck the completion of the familial cycle he so desperately wants mimic. STOP

I need to address the MIMIC aspect here. I have never met someone so good at emulating other people.. The so Called superhero of the week phenon.. I have spoken of in the past. Just because you played at being Hannibal little boy does not make you him. Or is it solid snake? Or is it liquid. Spiderman or Batman? You almost need the local movie listing to figure out what character your going to get. Dennis the Blue? Yee haw.. you are original…. I would have NEVER thought of something that creative. If I am so much distasteful then why still mimic me to this day? This is the part I am confused about. As for Chicago, whatzamatta? Couldn’t hack it in the big city little boy? Wow it only took you 18 years to become your father…. His revisionist History sounds a lot like yours… Weak and pathetic… and if I may have direct quote here, source, from one of several insipid AOL messages … The only two people that matter are now buried in the hill” Please I think this is nothing more that guilt speaking here, because when it DID matter, and you could make a difference YOU chose not to. I lived almost 800 hundred miles away managed to see, talk to be around and care about them more than you did and you lived and 1/8 of a mile away. The cool thing about this whole situation was I able to make peace with them before they passed. How about you? So because you and your “Daddy” missed the boat we have to all pay for that…. I don’t think so bucky… Speaking of being the youngest child, at 50+ years I think its time for your Daddy to grow up. Its not really his fault it is everyone involved. Put simply his behavior was encouraged, and when a bad behavior is encourage it’s the adult that is to blame in this situation. This reminds of another axiom another wise friend always told me….. Becareful what you wish for you might just get it. It seems whenever everyone leaves you and your “House” alone, every time I think of this concept this personally makes me chuckle. It would be amazing if your house, was actually yours, and not a hand-me-down… and before you mention 124, It was paid for in cash…. What can you say about your abode? Anyway.. back to wishing for things… You snipe from your keyboard. Harassing a terminally ill woman because you think your stronger, than she…

I must say you’re really clever…. Is that what that overpriced ivy-league wannabe junior college taught you…. O I can hear it now: classes to ensure the successful endeavor in matriculating here at LVC remember to always go for the multi-syllabic words because its much easy to convince your audience of your superior intellect, no wait you were doing this at 16. Yawn… no really I mean to say YAWN!!!

Anyway… its one thing to attack me… but my mother, what did she ever do to you… Going back to the theory that everyone lives in their own universe and the goal is not to let your universe intersect your I wanna know what creative way can retort this? She gave you exactly what you wanted and she still get shit? Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size bucky… whatzamatta? You like swimming in the kiddie pool cuz everytime you venture out your piss yourself and warm the water back up? Nothing you can say to me can hurt me. Because everything you say is meaningless. I have never met such a person that has no other outlet their anger like you do. What happens when I am gone… who can you be angry at then? At what point will you turn on your parents? How soon will that keystone crumbled to your “house” Then that will you blame? Your mirror must be pretty dirty to look at… All that pain and no outlet for it. I feel sorry for you. Sorry that you must live like this. Go ahead get angry with me… Threaten to kill me. Who says you wont be doing me a favor in the long run bucky?