I took care of Pandoras box. I have a really good thought. Lies make the baby jesuses cry. Lies. I also realized something really incredibly proufound. That is the place you leave is bound to change with time. There is very few exceptions to this rule. Scratch that I think is more of an axiom. The stream of time has somehow managed to create an envelop around Tremont PA, specifically the house. Time moves at half speed. Upon reentry to the normal flow of time your body must speed to up make the transition. Its not a connection that can be explained with words. Those who have experienced the beautiful thing clammor to return. The power of such a simple place heals all that walk through its arches. A simple abode that appears to be nothing from the street except a simple row home that draws space within to heal the family, or people that have become family, Forgiveness doesnt even needed to be asked for it is given without exception. Amazing to those who refuse to accept. You were fashionable sensitive, but too cool to care...... Some comment on the weather. Tearing me apart... and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.... breaking my heart... That jewel interlude brought to you by the ressurection of my MP3 collection. It may not be as cool as some... but guess what It doesnt matter. I spent alot of time with the chairman..... Its cool to be considered a freind for a change as opposed to the cause of a problem. I think there is a possiblity to have another decade plus relationship.. To replace the broken ones that have caused, me to have that emptyness Wait not emptyness but the abscence of pain... Finally I am who I am without being judged. Its down to just the people in my immmediate family. Jealously direct and pissed because I am able express the feelings that have been buried for almost half a century. Why do you bother reading this? Why is it so important? Do you really think this about you? or your boyfriend? Whatever you need to tell yourself to act the way you are I feel sorrow for you. The grave you have dug for me is not going to be used today. I wouldnt give you that power of me and my future. No matter how much you want to hide behind self-actualization, Tony Robbins, Desousa, or any other human potential movement star you should develop your inner voice for yourself, Nobody else. Not cuz I say so, Not cuz Mommie or Daddie or anyone else says so. It doesnt matter if I ever see talk, or interact with again. The stains you have inflicted on your own soul is not my responsiblity to bear. Its yours. I can walk away with a clean conscience. and I can here the harumphing when you read this. Its okay, I think I am allowed to indulge. after all this is my blog, and the likely hood of me taking the blog down is almost non-existent. I like here, They like it here We all like it here, Nobody is forcing you to click your little Ibook and goto this page, how do I know, Conformity is something that comes very naturally to you. Free thought is not something that comes easy to you. What happens now that I am gone...whose the new villain? I am glad my tenure is gladly completed. I have discovered something in my sojurn to East coast and back. Life is made of choices and consquences. I have perfectly capable of owning up for the responsible for my actions. Can you say the same? No amount of psychology classes with give you the edge your looking for. Dont be foolish enough to make that mistake. Knowledge is only the first steping stone of enlightenment. I dont expect you to know this until you discover it on your own. I barely have the grasp of this and I have seen much more of the world's offerings. Age has a tendancy to do this to you. I want to thank you for teaching my the lessons that you have, Some of them are so simple that that you wouldnt even believe them if I mentioned them here. Some were so mind altering that I dont often offer this but the have changed the path of my life forever. Anyway this blog isnt always about you. Its not even always about me. I glad you were able to take down poopfish because you think I was reading to keep tabs on you. News flash my life is a bit more complicated than that. Personally your blog should be for you and you alone. What ever your convincing "YOU" are these days. All the negative rhetoric that is directed about me, is sad. My first impression was the correct one.

Much like bill clinton, history will be the judge of what has been said on behalf of everyone involved. I wish that you and yours get whatever you deserve. Plain simple, directly. Please do not continue to assume that my passiveness is weakness. I have an infinite amount of patience and when they are exhausted I will not act. I wont have to Time is the imortal equalizer. I will travel where I want when I want.
I dont need to compete for pity here. Life is what you make it. Families much like the spaces we try and hold together change, sometimes this change is not realized until its not too late. Walking into Downtown Disc made this crystal for me. With closing of their doors, I realize Dekalb much like me has changed its no longer the friendly place to live, I have outgrown the land of corn. Its almost to say, that playground no longer holds any interest. I thought it would be hard to come back and visit and relive memories of more than 10 years. and I figured out that is not who I am anymore. I say this for my own benefit. That pond is out of oxygen and its time to move into the ocean. My fond memories are rooted in Extreme sports boy, and Lincoln and Remos and Jenny and Sara and Matt, Ate Rhoda and all those people that made my stay @ NIU that much more richer.
Whatever, Fine, so be it. When I fell from the Pedestal and it broke and I woke up with a concussion, I realized that I have been on a two year path of self-involved binge fest. Thats over I am taking my resposiblity for the things I need and I going to weather the storm, No matter how much the manipulation of nature you think is possible the key is that the Achilles heel must be the same for me to fall. If you feel that is your only course of action so be it. I just want you to know I knew exactly when it all fell apart.... you do too, the connection was poisoned and it showed through... and I was too self involved to bother to revive it. Thats all in the past The question on the floor why bother with facade? I dont expect an answer, it doesnt matter, and I really dont care. Thats the best part of time, it does heal all wounds, and no matter how you think you have devisated my life, I have felt worse by much more important people.

I should manage to put in some metatags someday... I think its pretty cool the audience for the blog grows with the weeds in the yard. I think highest compliment I could be paid was to be told I had a touch of Hemmingway... At least I got some of the vital atttributes pegged...(tank-ass, High self opinion. etc) However I look at other's blogs any only think that mine my look too polished. After all, typos aside, my mood has not improved. Its still dark, its not for the past, but its for the future.