Wow, talk about a fuctup day. A distress call, and being blown off durring the distress. Wow, this person will never learn... They think Kharma has been paid back, and well, she just did it agin. Its kinda fuct up. I was really hurt, and dissappointed but I put it into prespective, it amazing how taken for granted I have become. I think that is what is sad... I think this person should be written off. Maybe thats what this I need to disappear again this just confirmed there is NOTHING left for me here...except for the dog, Wow thunder is amazing... fifteen minutes with that mutt and I felt so much happier. More and More and More interviews. Maybe a job soon.

Strategies for Creating an Ordinary Life:

1.Lose your inner voice
2.Be satisfied with Medicocrity
3.Experiment with powers your Mind could possibly understand
4.Fuck with Kharma, Carma, Karma
5.Realize that the pain you inflict to others will someday be the pain you receieve.
6.Convince yourself by being taken advantage of your limiting your NOT posibilties.
7.Realize that Alice Walker was right when she wrote: Until you do right by me.... Everything you think of will fail.... Everything.
8.Much like IKEA furniture other swedish products look pretty on the surface but when put to the test fail miserably. I think you could say the same about people
9.Statistical Analsysis is just that manipulation of the numbers and you dont need an engineernerding degree to understand it.
10.Sometimes root cause isnt root cause.
11.In a desparate effort to be different one can loose their identitity in favor
12.If is also probably the most powerful word in the English language....maybe....
13. A good sidestep to achieving sucess is to take the short cut to mediocrity.

Please send me 999.99 for a complete set of Cds, and DVDs. If you add an additional DNA sample I will autograph the Set personally with my banana hands. or call 1-900-RU-NAIVE Operators are standing BY....

When something is too good to be true then it probably is. The valleys that were once filled with my tears are lush and green and plentiful. I wish you the best on your chosen path. as being an expert in being self-agrandizing when you need to use fifty dollar words words when a fifty cent word fits... show how little you grasp the message. Words are the crutches for disceprentant emotions...SEE SEE I just proved my point... nobody would use the word Discrepant in normal common language. Common language yes... because we all know when your head swells and the excess brain pressure is NOT relieved brain damage can occur. well multisyllabic words spoken here are needed to explain the story I believe. I could take a mental short cut and sum it up like this: If you have a swollen head, feel that your shit dont stink,(lean a little closer because roses really smell like booo oooo oooo) THANX ORACLE. and are trying desparately to fit your life into script, Its not going to get much better than it is now.
QUESTION FOR THE DAY?
If your given everything life, and have no concept of what it is not do something to please the provider of your life do you have the right to judge someone who pays their way and is sucessful on their own? A fan club is only good if you can keep up the rouse.... are you up to the challenge?

My muse has returned... Too bad the builder isnt around to appreciate it. The venomous me is back. but in a much more eliqouent way. Sometimes you just got to realize that that fancy foreign car that lust after so much is nothing more than a Shifty General Motors product marketed to midgets of the mental variety.

Does anyone read this? or are you all too busy out having your new cars washed? I am glad that the old addage still rings true: If you cant suceed, Settle for the next best thing. I hope my metatags are finding the auidence that I am so looking for...

Question of the DAY:
When you realize that you adjust yourself with the audience that your currently with does that make you a sell out or just plain small minded? Chamelions have NOTHING on you. I think you know who you are. at least the Blah Blah has come to terms with what she is going to become... can you say the same?

This blog has taken on a bit more of a sinister tone as of late. I think the mental flushing of the toliet has caused this. The further I get away from D day the better I feel about it. I do not understand why the extra effort in an attempt to destroy myself. That is what is sad. Thank god I got off the its all about me train. I can go back to assuming the role that I am expected have. First thing on the list is to set things straight in the family. Look out pilot here I come.

Driving home from the Cineaplex, I discovered how much a clear moon lite night makes me remember all things I try to forget. I remember how much I would like to tell everyone in my life that has pissed me off where to go and how to go there. I also discovered a few other cool inventions, Restraint for one, Know I have the ability to affect a change against my agressor(s) ***Newly Added*** I would have only said a agressor, but I have a good friend in the know... that well knows... I think deep down My friend is hoping that the dog comes off the porch to play. I picture den of mediocrity, a haven in which such witty topics of sucess are discussed, and whatever the latest craze in PMA that can be bastardized to the mindless drone of business person seeking sucess, Soft science indeed, I would think at the discipline is nothing more than a good pharse. Think outside the box, As long as your box is lined with 100 bills that notion is fine. I have discovered something, The bashing and trashing of me is nothing new. Seeking to harm me either. This experience is one that reminds me of blah blah and the builder, Nothing more than two discards desparate to convince themselves of their own self-worth. I often speak of karma. I truly believe that Karma makes everything better. All the time the vampire wasnt out there..... There vampire was within, right underneath my nose, and all of judgement I ignored. trying to convince myself of an other good intention.

As I lay on the beach I had a dream about you lying beneath the ocean of the sky. My soul begs for relief as the sky opens up and your tears fall upon me. You smile at me, and I know that what was once undo will be done. Where you simply breaking character or did you mean what you said when you said what you did? Of course, Time has never this kind to us. Time has never been an enemy. Time allowed us to walk down that path that day. The path that started in the dark and before we knew it we were standing at the top of the world. From above I looked at the stars and I saw the beauty in your eyes. When you look back at me you look deep into my eyes and saw nothing, an abscence of anything... in a instant I was transported by time to a place allowed me to be free without worry complaint or illness. Will you there on the otherside for me? Will they be there to meet you? Will time still be your friend, can you escape these bonds and still remember me? remember us? It would arrogant for me to think that Time will remain my friend. Realism dictates Time is nobodies friend more a concept of distance between this moment and the last. Distance from then to now. I seek and so ye find, I visited the river tonight. It is about to crest, and it is Time to wash the heartache and sadness away. A chance meeting with a new friend found an age old story being told. Thanks for your help, through you, I find a peace that is everlasting.

Oops I was posting lyrics, but that thought needed to be entered. Barren with the fields be. I know you know what I mean. What you want the most you shall never have.

Anyway heres what the fictious Rose Sang:


"The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

Okay I dont know what is happening to this blog. but I feel the need to post the lyrics to the Rose. Yikes first the bible, then Dylan Thomas, I must be getting soft in my old age, either that or introspective. The cool thing is about this growth is I didnt have to pay for it. I didnt have to sit in some holiday inn at 1200 dollars a head for three days spouting off hacked up psychological theory, I dont need to overcompensate for jealousy of my sibling, I dont need to buy expensive things to complete my life. High School is over for me. I had friends in High School, that I DIDNT HAVE TO PAY to be my friend. My thoughts of the institution of marriage Will NOT be replicated because My parents on the surface have some idealic existence, I am creative enough to cut my own path. I am responsible enough to make my own money, My own dreams, and be Realistic to know Life isnt fair, Having had to survive on my own and NOT live off my parents Teet, I could see how someone who didnt would I am Negative, Realism is never nor positive it just is.
For being as omnipotent as your, you should know the affects you have on others come at a cost. Weight can be lost, minds can be healed, but no amount of plastic surgery can fix your problems.
The victory in war is only worth winning if The Spoils of War are not SPOILED.
Trailer trash doesnt need to live in a trailer or have a low income, occasionally you find it down in the suburbs of Chicago.

I know this email has made its way around a couple of times but I think I like it because it reminds me of my Grandma, or maybe my aunt. I share it hear because I think the meaning is very powerful:

Lovely Rose at 87

The first day of school our professor
introduced himself and challenged
us to get to know someone we didn't already
know. I stood up to look
around when a gentle hand touched my
shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little
old lady beaming up at me with
a smile that lit up her entire being. She
said, "Hi handsome. My name is
Rose.

I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a
hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded,
"Of course you may!" and she
gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young,
innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a
rich husband, get married, and
have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what
may have motivated her to be
taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college
education and now I'm getting one!"
she told me.

After class we walked to the student union
building and shared a
chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the
next three months we would
leave class together and talk nonstop. I was
always mesmerized listening
to this "time machine" as she shared her
wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a
campus icon and she easily
made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she reveled in the
attention bestowed upon her
from the other students. She was living it
up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose
to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She
was introduced and stepped up
to the podium. As she began to deliver her
prepared speech, she dropped
her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she
leaned into the microphone and
simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I
gave up beer for Lent and this
whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my
speech back in order so let me
just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and
began, "We do not stop playing
because we are old; we grow old because we
stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying
young, being happy, and achieving
success. You have to laugh and find humor
every day You've got to have a
dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who
are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing
older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed
for one full year and don't do
one productive thing, you will turn twenty
years old. If I am eighty-seven
years old and stay in bed for a year and
never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take
any talent or ability. The idea
is to grow up by always finding opportunity
in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for
what we did, but rather for
things we did not do. The only people who
fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously
singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the
lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college
degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died
peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended
her funeral in tribute to the
wonderful woman who taught by example that
it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send
this peaceful word of advice to
your friends and family, they'll really
enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving
memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by
what we give.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm
passage. If God brings you to
it, He will bring you through it.


....."Good friends are like stars........You
don't always see them, but you
know they are always there."

I welcome the challenge that this day brings me. Gone are the concerns of the past. No longer will my past haunt me. No longer will the string which have held me control my actions. To all my enemies I wish nothing but the best for you, Any further ill will you wish me I feel sorry for you. I born in Chaos, I live in Chaos, I thrive in Chaos. Thanks for reminding me. Thanks for helping not make the biggest mistake in my life. Your the best thing that never happened to me. Because of you I almost missed out making a really good friend. Appearances are not always how they seem, your a good example of this. With the full I renew my hope in that my happiness it two-fold: Internal, and eternal, both of which can be no- one but myself can control.

Interesting dream. No really. Dream I am talking to somebody on the phone and wake up to the phone ringing to the person I was talking to in my dream, How often does that happen. And the information in the dream and phone call were indentical. Its a wonder how things happen like that. I wonder what act in the master plan we are in? I would really hate if my life was a scripted as others. Hmmmm......

Full moon tonight. Its amazing how much wierd things happen. I was sitting in the bar, and I looked up at moon. and I thought, Wow you really need to better than that. Apathy is the glove that the Devil slips his hand into, Thanks Dean Verner for those words of advise.

Sitting in Fuddruckers today, I realized that I am tired of interviewing for the wrong job. Today was the worstest I have experienced yet. No purchasing agent for me. Can we say boring............. Yikes... I am so worried I wont find something that I will broke and alone... What I am going to do...

I see a patern developing here. Dissappear from your oppressor, Find a new champion, suck the life from him, and Discard. It reads almost like shampoo instructions doesnt it? Rinse, Lather Repeat. I can find comfort in knowing that everyone one day becomes their parents in some peoples cases, hmmmm.. like mine I welcome it, but in some other peoples misfortune I feel like kharma will bite them in the ASS. My, My the old addage will once again ring true. Time has a funny way of working itself out.

Hmmm... Another holiday weeekend in the bag. Hmmmm... key discoveries I have learned this weekend:

1. Always trust good friends.
2. Let go sometimes. Its good for the soul.
3. Being a single parent makes you the 2nd most busiest person in the world.
4. Pizza Hut pepperoni causes bad gas.
5. Liars never prosper.
6. Kharma works too slow occasionally the kharma hit is worth the amusement you recieve.
7. Forgivness is overated.
8. Pennsylvania makes me happy. Illinois makes me Wonder why.
9. People over sixty should not have to watch Lord of the Rings...in ANY incarnation.
10. In yet another instance of my life, My easy going nature has been confused for weakness.

I refuse to let my muse disappear. Empty Rhetoric for a dying age. I wonder how soon the replacement will suffer the same fate as I? I love a good script. Ironically, someone that was so concerned with being successful settled for at best mediocrity, I live to fight another day. My path is set towards the future, and with the willing spirit, I look back at the past and laugh.

Mission Accomplished. I hope you get what you deserve. Remember though, Karma is often paid back ten-fold. You havent even begun to see what Chaos is all about.

So much of the past likes to turn around and bit you in the ass when you think about it. For instance, I have this really kick ass stereo that I paid almost nothing for and I believe to this day that my ex-roomate. Not the Builder, the Effeminate Psycho-therapist stole from me because, I made him move, or at least thats what he thought. Because I refused to move into a smaller apartment and pay more rent, so he could get a fish tank. To add insult to injury the Bitch thought he would power play me and he and his now defuncted girlfriend, from here on out Big Tittie girl liked playing house and I unfortunately was the babysitter. YIKES... anyway.. I am hopefully about ready to win a replacement remote control so my lazyness can be complete.

Update I just won my remote. my day is looking up. I think. Do I go out or just stay here I think I know the answer to that.