Here we go again.

Find a house, Rant and rave about a house, Lose a house,


Its my own damn fault. I cant even commit to a cell phone plane let alone a mortage. What a crzy weekend. From a Bad movie, (wolf creek) to wiring up a 5.1 system to my friend new big screen. To ikear, dryer installation, a trip to minooka, to a luxury overnight stay, to a keyless entry remote starter combination. Heres something that will make those ball chillin mornings better. If remmeber to turn the seats on.

WTF, I hate weak minded people. I hate copy cats. I hate people thats sole drive is to be better than me. I am nothing to be competed with, A sad loser surrounded by strong network of friends that love me, no matter how badly I screwup, putting a desk in here was the best thing I could ever done for myself here. Its a outlet again to vent into the ether of the injustice in equity that is life. the long and short of it is. FUCK YOU. get a life. Come clean about your true desires. Although what do you expect, conformity is easier than innovations.

Time to pass out... God love the non daylight savings time.

So I sit here in Madison, on the 8th floor of a hotel, watching bad MTV. I need a house. I need MTV. It reminds that ended up on the deeper end of the gene pool. I forgot what a freedom this place represents... as soon as I found the new indentity, the words started to flow again.

Where to begin? This space is about breaking cycles, and recognizing that just bitching about something isnt good enough... sure letting old people get their way is okay cuz they are going to die, but it doesnt mean that they will take you with them... you have a responsiblity to remember that you will be here long after they are gone, of course you will find them in the odd mannorism, or wierd speech pattern, but thats genes, that shared concscinecous, and thats simply the way it is.

As a Travel Guide tip, Never order a pizza, that contains honey mustard, chicken and swiss cheese... I am stupid, and twisted...

on to watching to spank o vision, then fall asleeep to QVC.

Much Love to the Quacker Factory.

Wow, that was fun. I am going to try and make this place a positive place to visit. on occassion I need to address shit-head latent douche bags from the past, maybe this will work.

Like the new name? I do. It seem to fit better with my mental real estate. Former friends don't like this attitude. Despite all the trash talk and the nasty things that are said about me, I know this come from a place of fear, because as you round the corner to 30 your going to realize your life is EMPTY.

It has been a long established track record of mine to be the eeeevil nemesis in peoples life, Its my fault you did or dint do something because I forced your hand in life. This song and dance is tiresome. Own your actions. Because when you die, that is what they will truly judge you by.

Fuck you. Thats all about your worth. The me-so sweet and me-so innnocent trip was tired about fifteen minutes after you left it go. Meanwhile, your the biggest closet deviant that I know. News flash you fucktard.. I didnt have to say anything about you and you discredited yourself. Keep going your either end up with one italian loud mouth or the other. You managed to fuck both of them several times. and they were both stupid enough to buy you line of bullshito. I am here to let you know, that everyone knows how much of a fake, self invovled, conceited prick you are. thats right, You-so or should say me-so... The only reason you want to talk to me is because you have nobody else, Find someone else to treat with a total lack of disrespect. And just to clarify, you can date anyone you want, just be honest, and stop FUCKING PEOPLE who have Signifigant others. When you going to get it? Your going to have to move Iowa or Beruit, or Lower Butt Fuck egypt. Stories of your plague will spread, and the cool thing, I never have to breathe a word about them.

You have the odacity to call me childish, you will only stay friends with someone as long as they dont hold you responsible for you actions.

Quit spread rumors about me being gay... that so old and tired.. and look at yourself in the mirror. Oh thats right, mommie would cut you off if she knew you prefer penis to fish tacko.

Its 11a on Saturday Morning, and I actually have a spot to blog freely without someone reading over my shoulder.

Where to begin?

Too much to discuss at once so I will just have to rely on stream of conscientiousness.

The depression is a constant battle, but I am managing to keep my focus. I am surprised to find out how many people still read this blog, and how many people I dont talk to anymore.

What I am trying to figure out is, I am really such a horrible person, why do you keep checking this blog? I mean really. Get a fucking life.

I re-read these posts, and I am desparately trying to figure out what the indentity for this place should be. Unlike the cowardice of others that discontinue their blogs because the dont want others to know what a hypocratic life that have become.

Tell me, you still chasing success like golden fleece at the end of the world?

Your not worth writing about anymore. I am sure our paths will cross.. Sooner than later. Its only a matter of time.

Welcome to redesigned Blog.

I just spent the last 2 hours tweaking my nips.. err I mean.. This template... something different. no more soothing.. its time to shake things up a bit.

I post again with a renewed sense of purpose. The writer's muse has struck my fancy again. If you go back and read this dialogue from the begining youw will find an ill tempered boy that makes no claims against his dellusion. In spite of my dellusional behavior I still figured out the difference btwneen wrong and right. Such a lofty goal and purpose this is not, more as an online journey to whatever the happiness is for the moment.

Decisions abound. My Past, present and future are about to collide...

I am comfortable with this catalysm, only because... only then, could my troubles really begin, Living without making fear the North Star of the Compass.

Fear will never rule the day.

I wasnt even going to read this, but I thought what the hell, Apparently a bad friend a I be. It never ceases to amaze me how when people dont get what they want the extent they will goto:

Apparently I am the problem, which I knew... its nice to know that is just been confirmed by one of the most honest, loyal and caring friends I know.

Heres to you,

I knew this musta have been tough to write, Breaking the "I am the nice guy persona" to tell enumerate the reasons why its my fault I got tired of your lies.


The following was sent to several of my email addresses. I choose not to respond.. but i will post it here for the world to decide how big of an ahole I am.



Subject:Final Closure-If you delete then a coward and can not face the truth!

Dude,


Well I heard from the Grapevine that the Friendship is over with! That was your choice and not mine.. I was willing to work on it, but you did not act adult like to talk about it except for reamining me a new a--hole and talk about my past. I understand that I lied to you about things in the past and recently with things about your cousin. After that I learned my lesson and stopped. I even told you that I would. But your big f---ing hang up is you always judge people by what they did and never ever give them the chance to change. Heck I could have changed and you would never even know it..... You are always so quick to judge people right off the bat... I hate to tell you something but you do not have the right to do that. And you always wanted to know what something's that bugged me about you. Fine I will let you know them now. One, you are not always right about everything, and you sure in the hell don't have the right to think you know everything. The main one is you are so quick to give advise but you will never take it.... You need to sit the f--k down and look in the mirror and figure out your own life before you can help people decide what to do with theirs. You are using life as a cop-out and blaming everyone else for your problems. For example the work thing, I hate to tell you but you left so you have no right bitching and moaning about vacation time and saying the need to give you all your benefits back. Sorry the world does not revolve around SCOT, they do not need to give you what you want. You left and came back, so face it you where a new employee. So sit down and figure out your life and not live your life through everyone else... You are so afraid of things that you always say I am going to run to PA, well that is your choice and I hate to say it but I think you are scared to do it. And when you did call yourself a friend, friends trusted each other with things and only said them to each other and promised not to let those things out. Hell then I take it you have not been a friend for a long time. You have no right speaking for me about me! I am trying to forget about my past and move on.. But lord know's that Scot only dowels on the past and never leaves it alone. S--t and I love how you talk bad about someone and then become their bestest friend. You are a two timing bastard! All you like to do is cause conflict in people lives and sorrow! I also know that you like to have people on the inside to keep and eye on your enemies. Which I hate to say is so damn "Childish" GROW UP!

I am saying this cause even though you say the friendship is done, I will always be here if you need me or if something goes wrong. I never kick my friends to the curb. I still care for you as a very good friend but you need to figure things out on your own. And maybe this is a window opening showing you, that maybe it is you and that is why friendships go bad.

I wrote this not to make you mad but to open your eyes to reason! But I know you don't listen to reason, unless it is scot's reason.

Have a good life and if you never talk to me again, well that is your choice not mine.

Wow long time no post. It happens I guess. I sound like a really vendictive person. I know I do, but If you met the people that I grew up with you would understand. Its really scary when you wake up one day and realize that you were such a fool to trust. I have no friends... 4 years and no evolution. Hahaha... actually I have no friends out of choice not because of some pyschosis.

I went running down the hallway and I jumped into the mirror, On the other side, things seemed much more like they should be. There was no pain there... and all the things wrong were made right again. The problem is I was taking a shower in this alternative place and I was sucked back into the problems of what I once left. YOU STUPID WHORE... You lied more that BLAH BLAH... that takes talent. Success makes you fat I hear... Funny it had the the reverse effects on me.

I am here, I am alive, and I wonder, how many lies is your truth based on? What lies more can tell? Mommie was right, Once a liar always a liar.

I want to goto sleep tonight and not think of the pain of yesterday.
I want to goto sleep tonight and not think of the wasted yesterdays
I want to goto sleep tonight and forget about today.
I want to goto sleep tonight and wake up to a bright new tomorrow.
I want to goto sleep tonight and wake up next to you.

So you may laugh at me, but I just went to see herbie fully loaded. I reminded me how much of my life I wasted on chasing after the acceptance of other people. I forced somenoe to write a list of what they reallly wanted to focus their energy in that posistion. Quite frankly I know what I want its just so utter impossible at this slice of time to see through the haze that I left settle of my heart. What if everyone figures out I am completely full of shit. I dont know any better than the rest of you fucks.... reeally I dont. .... Eventually everyone tires of me and longs for me to go away. Full of shit I am. Full of shit I be. I am 30 and I have nothing to show for it. My friends are splintered and scattered to the wind. My own family can barely tolerate me. I recently let go of some anger that was over a decade old. And I think I am still reeling from it. How to deal with someone as petty and childishness rivals my own. The moon is full tonight. I beg the moon's indulgence to make things right again. Back to a time where things were good and a new. Before the Scamdals before the betrayl before the I allowed blah blah to poison my life. I clamor... What it be like if eveyone was still here. lets turn back the clock ten years. I wanna to keep the knowledge I have now though, I wouldnt be laying in my childhood bed on a wirless keyboard stairing my tv. I would someplace else, Thanking my blessing for not fucking the last decasde up. Death would be an easy exit here on the on ramp of life, but I know the rules.. Iican hang out here for a while... meanwhile I feel I slowly feel my spirit dying inside my body. I dont ask for people to pity me pity is overated. I ask for the indulgence to just be. Stop trying to clamour for their attnetion you ahole.... dont force your agenda on them. dont you get it. Driving around tonight with the windos open at speeds that are just fun I kept thingking less painful lonelyness is when its a constant. I beg for the patience to realize why I am still here. Or not. this would be funny if it were so trus, I am like a giant sponge and I am willing to take our pain away just so you can be free and lieave without intruding in life. I just paused in my head and relived a moment the is ye t to happen. IYou going to wathc this blog pain aattention for the clues the clues of what I know to be true

another skip in time this time My life has spilled out onto the deck... below it was like a cheese for better or worse, we have a blank about people chocie, Good night, I miss you

night...

Its official I am going to hell. I have learned so much of the torture that I put hairy through in the last months of our relationship. No wonder she opted out for Downsy Mogoloid and his bad of crazy critters... Although the Setup I had her find was truly fun and exciting but thats why I am here today. There is this growing trend of mmy computer not being anything like it once was. I picked up a wireless mours/keyboard combo so now I can lay in bed in type... no desk... stay in bed. I have learned more about the fucked up logic that is mean in the last 60 days than I learned in five years. experience is a great teacher too baad she lied about some things. Anyway I also came to another conclusion which I will only allude to here... a change is in the works. hopefully I will qualify and I will survive the them all. talk to you later.....

A Mirror is more honest to oneself, Than a photograph.

Things I was able to accomplish:
I erased all contact with Hairy, and Mogoloid Boy.
All that remains are some scandalous mpegs. (Ebay anyone?)

I went home I realized that I need to go back permanently.
I now get it. I am supposed to be there and not here. I am usch a horrible person that the lvoe of my life cheated on me. Htheee thats what I used to think. More like I was lied to because Hairy didnt know any better. I guess mommie/ shakes the clown was right.yikes.

It doesnt matter. Maybe it does. Nothing like 20 hours in the car to make you feel alive again. This trip much like the computer parts was rather cathardic... i took all the broken pieces of my life put them back together and gave them a new veneer. Staples is slowy becoming my favorite office supply store. They are like OfficeMAx used to be many years ago. (before that Black guy with the lopsided afro... I am not getting that marketing concept are you? Filling out the randomizer this week was a Dvm calin me and asking if I am in IL I am.... she said good i need to call you later. I am not sure waht that is all about. I need to sleep. this is a good night to go inot a coma. not comma, coma. Eeek! hope you enjoyed it. I konw I didnt. Fucko.

Heres a switch even that shell is gone now. Its clear to me that I know now what I need to do. I deleted you out of my phone book and your mongoloid headed boyfriend as well. Pork out with your Bad self.

Well its been over a year since I had my own functional computer. and I finally got on e up and running. Cathardic as it was to bulid it was a metahpor for my life. My old computer as it was great at the time, all the components worked together and they got the job done, however disfunctional in the end it was. I qet it now. well much like those old components are so was my iife is now, my shell is all here but what makes up me is now no longer the same. It is true I got a good spirtual kick to me head today. Actually more of a reminder of who I once was and now longer am. I guess it was a good thing as destroyed as I was after I heard it coming thats usuallly how the oracle strikes... too close to the truth about my need get ou here is. find me more lies later.

I feel a was more than a little remiss in speaking of of my sojurn to Champana. I forget what a fountain of positive energy the DVM is, I forgot how health it can be to drive across Illinois at great speeds. I don't think DVM knows how much of a positive impact she continues to have on my life. Without getting too sappy, She is a great ally and I am honoured to be considered a contemporary. I think back to our rocky beginings and how much of an Ahole I can be at Vodkas first grip. Yet through all of that we have managed to tay friends. In examing my relationships with other people, I am trying to isolate the good ones, and irradicate the old ones. Its true that when someone only lives up the road that when they are gone you miss them the most. I am glad we are friends. Across this last year of discovery, she has always been the supportive voice of the phone, reminding that just because everyone around you is FUCKED Up... and you see the imbalace and they dont doesnt make you the fuct up one. Anyway, I apologize for summing my Champanga experience just down to bad mexican. There as cheap drinks... and Swing Dancing... (MUAHAAHAA) those of you know me cant imagine me dancing I know. I have a lot of potential energy, all I can say is watch out when it goes kinetic.

I hate my job. I was denied a promotion because I was not qualified, But I am now answering questions, and training the person whom got promoted, Adding insult to injury... I was also told I could not apply for other posistion, A year of solitary confinement for I, Its really rather pathetic.

I used to think that love is an unreal concept. I had to convince myself last time I was in love, so I am what you could say a less than adovcate. Another very wise friend has fallen in love, and is extremely hAppy. So much so that This person is going move to the other end of the country. I am sad to see the departure of this person I realize why it is the journey must be taken. This person deserves a lifetime of happiness.. They have devoted their life to the happiness of others and not even though of themselves. More to come on this,

Hmmmm... Got a hold of the Nitwits xanga addy mysterously its been taken down. I figured I was supposed to find it. After all he took this blog changed the names and repacked as his own. Tonight the words just seems to pour out of me. I am a little kid with hurt feelings and I am very alone. I enjoy alone. I can start to work on the novella that I need to write. All of you will get a chapter. I started titling them out a while a ago... the most poignant I can not mention here. Type fast I do, for I wish my brains throughput would matchs my hands speed in typing. I need to write more. I can not wait to sit on the front porch with laptop in lap and muse.... Who the fuck am I kidding.

Pork up Porky.. 1.5 years til you will be a size 24... HURRRAH!!!

Okay I know imitation is supposed to be the best form of flattery, but This is ridicoulous. I just read something that literally makes me want to vomit. My former posts about Hair changed around because someone broke up with ther "wife" I am impresed it only took 2.5 years to figure out what bad path she was headed down. I read this persons pontification and I was like, holy shit if I sound like this put a fork in me I am done. I was supposed to find this blog, it was time. He is trying to rebuild a superhigway that he tore down. Its not that easy, and I would like to think I that I had some cause in his demise, but for once the universe has taken care of this imbalance.

I was the demon, and now that I no longer "influence" his life, and things are still fuct up He had to turn on his wife, what a sad, pathetic thing, I am not feeling any sypathy, because he must be responsible for his own actions, he threw away his family, and his source of income, because he was trying to make a stand in a very Dohman sort of way. In his mind he is the Alpha he is the Omega, in reality he is nothing more than a moon of Alpha, Omega, Cold, Dead and empty, and sucking energy off of those around him.

I know he thinks I took his cash cow away, that his family that used to shower him in present now shower me, Well he has it only half right, they shower me, but its not in presents, its in love and support, but its good, because its reciprocal. I am nor sure if he reads this and if does great, because unlike others, Poopfish, who needtd to take their indentity down for fear that the medicrity would be known by all I share it all, the good the bad, and the shitty.

By the way... Rumble Bee..... find your own godamn style. I didnt copy anybody, I am me. you fucktard. I am not angry at you, I dont feel sad for you i dont feel anything for you. I was willing to share Tremont, and you werent. I do nothing but live my life and take responsiblity for my actions. Grow up, or do you wanna be empty inside for the rest of your life, Follow the path of your father, mediocrity is the easier goal to acheive because, when you fail... theres always someone or someething else to blame it on.

Okay so it was brought to my attention that this world is messed up. Not that i didnt know it already. I wish i knew which direciton was up,,,,

Dont eat at Qudobo They SUCK!!!

Heres what I submitted to their customer comment line:

I just wanted to say that I had the WORST experience EVER at your Champaign IL restarant this Sunday. I ordered a Naked Burrito with extra Salsa and 3 Steak Tacos (Hard Shell) Plain with cheese and 3 cheese queso sauce, and I ordered it for delivery. First of all, The restaurant did not answer their phone the first three times we called (each time the phone rang at least 10 times) and when we finally did get an answer we they took the order, it took almost an hour and half to get the food and when we did it was not only COLD but the order was missing half. No Queso on the Taco, No Queso with the Medium order of chips, and The tacos were soft shelll. We called to complain and when we did the store representitive and he said oops, "I should have told you we dont delivery hard shell tacos... Sorry, " and in repsonse to the cheese, He said someone will bring it to you.. We waited for over an hour and half, and NOTHING....

This was my first experience with your restaurant chain, and let assure you I will be telling all of my friends to avoid ALL of your restaraunts because of the lack of service, and lack of value for the food,

Our bill was $20.00 for what amounted to Cold tacos, a cold burrito, and stale Chips with no sauce, and a promise to fix an order that was never fulfilled. As being someone who works in customer service for a living, If treated my customers the way I was treated, I would not retain very many customers.

A Very Disspointed First time Customer,
Domhan Solus